'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
