we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
