please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
