If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
