I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
