I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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