I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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