I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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