I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize