she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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