Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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