Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
