and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Green mimosas i think yes
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
