Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
