my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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