Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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