Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
