so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
