Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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