I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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