Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
