I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
