Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
