I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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