Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
