Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
