drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
