And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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