How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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