I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
