I wannas sexs uuuuu
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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