never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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