he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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