i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
