Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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