well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
