are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
