Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize