it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
