This girl is more easily done than said...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
