He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
