I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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