You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
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