Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
we should paint friendship bongs
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
