dude i'm inner monologue high
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
