My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
