Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
My liver is preforming stress tests.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
