eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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