Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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