his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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