i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
