I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
