the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
