Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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