Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
