So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
