wanna go halves on a baby?
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Randomize
