i just wanna soil my oats bro
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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