We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
