i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
