You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
