I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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