so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
