High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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