East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
