so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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