I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
