My room smells like vodka and shame
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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