i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
