I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
