i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
