I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
