she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
