I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
