Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
